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Colorado Buffaloes
Colorado-buffaloes.png
Established in 1890
Names
  • Colorado Buffaloes (2017-present)
Other Nicknames
Buffs, Cheffs
Conference
Pac-12 Conference
Location
Boulder, CO
Colors
Black and Gold
Head Coaches
  • toomuchsauce (2017-2018)
  • Justin Average (2018-present)
Stadium
  • Folsom Field (2017-present)
  • Capacity: 50,183
CFP National Championships
  • None
Conference Championships
  • None
Rivals
University Creed
Sya Thnk Unm

About[edit]

The University of Colorado plays fake football in the Pac-12 Conference of the National Fake Collegiate Athletic Association.

Fake Schedule[edit]

2018 Schedule
Week Loc Opp / Record Score Record
1 vs #17 Kentucky Wildcats / 1-0 L, 41-20 0-1
2 vs. Oregon Ducks / 1-0 W, 22-21 1-1
3 vs. North Texas Mean Green / 1-1 L, 27-13 1-2
4 @ #22 Northwestern Wildcats / 1-0 - 0-1
5 @ Utah Utes / 0-1 - 0-1
6 @ Washington State Cougars / 1-0 - 0-1
7 vs. Arizona State Sun Devils / 0-1 - 0-1
8 @ Arizona Wildcats / 1-0 - 0-1
9 @ Stanford Cardinal / 0-1 - 0-1
10 vs. UCLA Bruins / 0-1 - 0-1
11 vs. USC Trojans / 0-1 - 0-1
12 vs. Oregon State Beavers / 1-0 - 0-1

Records[edit]

NCFAA Records

  • on 3/15/18 Colorado QB Jake Patterson completed a pass to WR Sam Bass good for 99 yards and a touchdown.[1] This is currently the longest touchdown pass in the history of the NFCAA.



University of Colorado Records

Rivalry Games[edit]

Traditions[edit]

  • Too Much Sauce: The student section will chant "too much sauce" when the visiting team is facing third and long.
  • Cheff Night: All fans wear chef hats and shirts and the stadium is covered in a "white-out." Stadium-wide specials on food and drink along with taco trucks and craft breweries selling their products on-site.

Coaching History[edit]

First Head Coach

The lore of the University of Colorado's head coaching position is rich and full of myths, legends, memes, and sauce. The first head coach hired by UofC was known around the league as "toomuchsauce." He had a way with words and an extensive knowledge of the game of "fotball." Toomuchsauce ran for Pac-12 Conference commissioner repeatedly, even when that position had already been filled. He was quoted in an interview as saying "I want to be comish since I am good at football stuf like this" and later took to twitter to encourage fans of his program to "checkout this cool narwhal game!"

Erratic Behavior

Toomuchsauce insisted on scheduling a spring game. Five times he asked the schedulers for a spring game, culminating in his statement: "spring game anyone i habe ref." He was spotted out on the town at one of the popular undergrad bars "snapping some girls trying date." The coach was noted to be wearing a "cheff hat" and posted a picture on his social media bragging about how cool it was. After a fan confronted him about his behavior he ran away shrieking "boiii i got roats!" He also once sent 10 eggplants to a fellow coach as a peace offering.

He tried to establish himself as the lead anchor on "Fake Sports Center" a show that did not exist. He also hosted a "practice podcast" and claimed to be both the head coach of a football team, and a member of the media.

Strategy was not toomuchsauce's strong point. During the first game of the season he would give his players 15 plays at a time and expect them to remember each play in succession while toomuchsauce would be on the sideline "facetiming his gf." Toomuchsauce was so much of a ladies' man that his team incurred 3 delay-of-game penalties. Two of those penalties resulted in automatic touchdowns for the Kentucky Wildcats and the third penalty gave Kentucky the ball in prime position to score, which they promptly did, extending their lead.

Removal

The National Fake College Athletic Association was less than two months old when it became apparent that too much toomuchsauce was too much for the association to handle. Colorado was halfway through the first game of the season against the Kentucky Wildcats when the decision came down from the commissioners: remove toomuchsauce from the head coaching position immediately. The game was paused indefinitely as toomuchsauce was hauled from the stadium under protest. Fans and players waited around for hours as the authorities dealt with toomuchsauce.

Toomuchsauce tried to repeatedly to regain access to the stadium. He even disguised himself with a mustache and took the name "ecuashcumoot." Authorities were not fooled by his attempts and sent him packing. He was politely told to leave and responded with "ok but could u tell the iowa coach to let me back." After this figure was discovered to be toomuchsauce in disguise he was once again refused entry. Toomuchsauce asked why he was denied his position as head coach and was told that his behavior and unreliability led to his downfall. He responded "i cna comit . just tell them that bro ."

Coaching Change

As toomuchsauce was desperately trying to regain control of his team, the University of Colorado athletic director looked elsewhere for a replacement. justanavrgguy happened to be walking past the stadium and noticed there was much commotion and confusion. He offered to take over as replacement head coach. Justanavrgguy has always been a part time fan of the University of Colorado, ever since he found a t-shirt proclaiming the Buffs to be "2004 Big 12 Conference Champions." Surprisingly enough, just as justanavrgguy was settling in on the sideline and preparing to call the next play, toomuchsauce showed up in the stadium for one last hurrah. The authorities spotted him at the 50-yard-line and banished him for good.

Second Head Coach

Justanavrgguy was hired as the second head coach of the University of Colorado football program on February 26th, 2018. He took over halfway through Colorado's opening game against Kentucky, trailing 34-7. This is his first NFCAA head coaching job. He was hired at CU after taking the Ebbing High Noodlers to the Missouri fake high school state championship game three years in a row and winning the championship twice. His fake record at the high school level is 40-9.

Offense: Spread

Defense: 4-3

Roster[edit]

Starters

Offense
Num Name Pos Year
14 Jake Patterson QB Sr
20 Elijah Hart HB Sr
45 Anthony Conley FB Sr
79 Brian Devaney LT Sr
70 Tiger Chaput LG Sr
75 Nathan Rachev C Sr
76 Andrew Minnick RG Jr
77 Rory Delgado RT Sr
88 Sam Bass WR Sr
85 Jim Bethea WR Sr
84 Deion Lynn TE Sph
7 Gordie Benson K Sr
6 Thomas Molina P Jr


Defense
Num Name Pos Year
92 Irving Mann LE Jr
98 Orlando Lambert DL Sr
99 Julius Holt DL Jr
96 Cleo King RE Jr
48 Luke Urdang-Brown OLB Sr
56 Samuel Skinner MLB Sr
55 Bo Haines OLB Jr
32 Hall Mett CB Sr
40 Oran Hayes CB Sr
29 Tyler Brandt FS Sr
28 Dakota Fuller SS Sr
18 Pablo Sanchez KR Fr
17 Wyatt Hicks PR Sph


Second String
Num Name Pos Year
1 Sloan Gimy P Fr
3 Kyle Gould QB Sph
4 Larry Wilkins K Sph
5 Stephen Murphy QB Jr
8 Nyall Patrice WR Sr
9 Benjamin Strong WR Jr
10 William Brown WR Sr
12 Michael Bowman SS Fr
13 Fionn Gardner WR Jr
16 Mason Mann HB Fr
21 James Tyler HB Jr
24 Henry Shields CB Jr
25 Logan Valazquez HB Fr
26 Leon Higgins CB Sr
30 Josh Newburger SS Sph
31 Finn Wheeler FS Jr
35 Red Valencia HB Sph
37 Jakob Szabo SS Fr
38 Liam Loric CB Jr
39 Noah Chambers SS Fr
42 Tamuch Sauce CB Fr
44 Shane Emory FB Sph
47 Peter Klein MLB Fr
49 Leo Bradshaw OLB Jr
52 Cian Fenner OLB Fr
53 Oscar Marx OLB Sph
57 Christopher McKinley OLB Jr
58 Bill Morrow OLB Sph
59 Willie Eoin MLB SR
60 Ben Padilla LG Fr
62 Jeff Genest *LS Jr
63 Walter Novio RT Sph
66 Lance Carter C Sph
68 Harry Pitts LG Fr
72 Muhammed Cooley LT Jr
73 Craig Blackmarr RT Sph
80 Alan Pritchett TE Fr
82 Isaac Bray WR Jr
83 Cyrus Hong WR Fr
86 Mitchell Salazar WR Fr
87 Max Bell TE Jr
89 Kareen Wood WR Fr
91 Jamie Barnaby DL Fr
94 Ty Abernathy RE Fr
95 Callum Rhea DL Fr
97 Mickey Anderson LE Sph


Injured Reserve
Num Name Pos Year
2 Tomas Winters QB Fr
19 Gale Leahy WR Jr
23 Alexander Song HB Sph
33 Aaron Decker CB Jr
34 Flip Boone HB Fr
41 Kevin ball FB Jr
51 Kacper Luntz MLB Sph
65 Charlie Patel RT Fr
74 Evan Wolf C Fr
81 Hank Roberts WR Sr
90 Greg Waller LE Fr
93 Cna Comit DL Sph

Recruiting[edit]

Recruiting
Star Pos Name Year State Offer Signed
4 WR Mario Alioli Sr Colorado yes --
4 WR Carl Xato Sr Colorado yes --
4 CB Ponzu Jiang Fr Texas yes --
4 OLB Mo Toum Sr Florida -- --
3 WR Grayson Smith Sr Utah -- --
3 WR Rick Nyce Jr Ohio -- --
3 CB Hal Canterbury Jr Georgia -- --
3 MLB Roy Purdy Sr Colorado yes --
3 HB Steven England Sr Colorado yes --
3 SS Harvey Moore Sr Nevada -- --
3 K Luigi Pecel Sr Kansas -- --
3 RT Jake Beurre Jr Texas -- --
3 RT Shiloh Carpenter Sr California -- --
3 LG Micah Lee Jr Nebraska -- --
3 LT Aubry Audemar Sr Montana -- --
3 OLB Greg Bordelaise Sr California -- --
2 QB Xavier Vincotto Jr Colorado yes --
2 WR Jacob Truett Jr Idaho -- --
2 CB Julian Dominguez Sr New Mexico -- --
2 MLB Derek Schneeder Jr New York -- --
2 LE Greg Patek Sph Arizona -- --
2 FB Taylor Mint Jr Utah -- --
2 FB Billy Garum Jr Texas -- --
2 SS Bob Remoulade Jr Texas -- --
2 DL Gale Waggoner Jr Iowa -- --
2 RT Louie Brown Sr Texas -- --
2 LG Chris Hogao Sph Ohio -- --
1 WR Tan Hoisin Sr Canada -- --
1 CB Miles Orlando Sr Nevada -- --
1 MLB Jaydon Washington Jr Utah -- --
1 MLB Will Hublot Jr Idaho -- --
1 HB Alonzo Carbonara Jr Colorado yes --
1 K Butch Leghorn Jr Texas -- --
1 DL Vince Pebre Sr Kansas -- --

Statistics[edit]

Passing
Num Pos Name Year Comp Att Pct Yards TD INT QBR
14 QB Patterson Sr 10 16 63% 196 2 1 194.15
Rushing
Num Pos Name Year Att Yards YPC TD 2pt Fumble
20 HB Hart Sr 21 96 4.6 0 1 0
45 FB Conley Sr 4 9 2.25 0 0 0
21 HB Tyler Jr 3 7 2.34 0 0 0
14 QB Patterson Sr 4 -15 -3.75 0 0 0
Defense
Num Pos Name Year Tackle TFL INT FR Block Saftey
99 DL Holt Jr 4 2 0 1 0 1
92 LE Mann Jr 4 0 0 0 0 0
32 CB Mett Sr 4 0 0 0 0 0
48 OLB Urdang-Brown Sr 4 0 0 0 0 0
55 OLB Haines Jr 4 0 0 0 0 0
56 MLB Skinner Sr 4 0 0 0 0 0
98 DL Lambert Sr 2 1 0 0 0 0
40 CB Hayes Sr 2 0 0 0 0 0
26 CB Higgins Sr 0 0 0 0 1 0
29 FS Brandt Sr 1 0 0 0 0 0
Kicking
Num Pos Name Year FG Att Pct Long Missed
7 K Benson Sr 1 2 50% 45 52
Punting
Num Pos Name Year Punt Avg Long
6 P Molina Jr 1 55 55